How Can I Socialize as an INTJ?

You're not an introvert, you're too social.  This is a misunderstanding that I get from time to time.  It is a misconception that demonstrates a lack of understanding of what introversion really is.  So what does it mean to be an introvert?  How do I find it possible to get out and socialize?  Well, for starters it is not easy.  Welcome to the puzzle of my mind.

What is introversion?

In order to unpack what introversion is, let us start by examining what it is not.

In common parlance we would say that such and such a person is an introvert, because they are shy.  Many introverts exhibit varying degrees of shyness.  Shyness is not a good indicator of introversion, and is the opposite of what we would describe as an outgoing persona.  There is also what can be accurately called social phobia which I once thought was type of shyness, however as it turns out social phobia is more closely similar to social anxiety disorder.  None of these describes what introversion is.

To say it simply, introversion is way by which the mind internalizes and processes information.  One of the main outcomes of this internalization is introspection.  Introspection is the way by which someone examines themselves vis a vis the external world.

The driving force for the INTJ is at the top of their function stack: introverted intuition (Ni).  INTJs are considered to be an Ni dominate personality type.  Because the intuition, the recognition of patterns, is introverted this means that INTJs spend a lot of their mental energy observing and internalizing the patterns they see in the external world.  This introverted intuition is aided by their auxiliary extroverted thinking function (Te) which helps them to apply the patterns they see into solutions.  Many times this earns the INTJ the reputation of being blunt, cold, abrasive, cynical, and seemingly aloof, an over simplification that leads to misunderstanding.

It is not that INTJs do not seem to care or give notice to what is going on around them.  They are actually quite attuned to their environment, however the big picture of their observations is keeping their mind busy processing and analyzing the patterns they are observing.  This is what the INTJ does at their best.  They observe and make sense of the world.

How can INTJs be social?

Due to the introspective nature of INTJs it can be confusing when we see one in a social situation.  Take my job, for instance: I work as a technical support analyst for an internet service provider.  It is an integral part of my job to talk to people and because of how the floor plan is designed, I am in rather close proximity to my coworkers.  This often makes for returning home at the end of the day exhausted and emotionally checked out.  In fact more often than not I enthusiastically anticipate watching a video on YouTube and tuning out the world after a long day interacting with people at the office and on the phone that eating dinner becomes an afterthought.  The problem is, I am too exhausted to actually make myself a decent meal.

Alright, so how can I be social, have friends, and accidentally come off like I am completely at ease in a social situation.  What is the method to my madness that enables me to bravely take on maneuvering throughout society and the external world without losing my mind periodically?

Sleep!

If I have a social activity planned, I do my best to make sure I am well rested.  Nothing drains my mental reserves and patience for people than by not having enough sleep.  That extra 30 minutes of sleep is pretty much making it possible for me to store up the energy needed to deal with people as long as I have to.

Coffee!!

This is will be a no brainer to my fellow coffee lovers, addicts, and snobs out there.  A cup or two (or three or four) of coffee really makes the difference between approaching the day or social event with my usual INTJ "death stare" and at very least feigning some form of social graces.  Probably the easiest way to my heart (and good side) is a dose of trimethylxanthine (commonly known as caffeine).

Keeping a schedule

Scheduling out my day/week and sticking to it is essential.  Not that if anything out of the ordinary happens I have an aneurysm, but it helps to know I have some stability of what to expect.  This ensures that things get done when they need to.  One of the things as an INTJ that my mind craves is structure.  I cannot get enough structure.  Even something as meaningless to the outside world as "alone time" is actually quite structured.  I structure everything from color coding my calendar, my cubicle at work to ensure the most efficient workflow, to even what coffee cup I use on what day of the week.  (My wife thinks I am a little OCD about it, and I might be a little excessive here, but I cannot stress enough how important structure is.)

So that's my secret!  Plenty of sleep, drinking coffee, and keeping a schedule all go a long way to ensuring that yours truly can get out and experience life and even socialize.  As long as I get enough time to feed my Ni (introverted intuition) by exploring my thoughts and synthesizing them with the patterns I observe in society, I am usually pretty content.