This is something I wrote on Facebook a few years ago that I think is very much true today as it was when I originally wrote it.
What's wrong with society nowadays is that we no longer really care about anything other than our egos. There is a trend whereby we love others so long as they remain perfect or at best beneficial to us. This is what makes most relationships one way. Essentially society has slowly led us to accepting utilitarian means as a normal part of relationships. Now this isn't to say that a business, or professional, relationship with an employer or a restaurant that one may frequent is bad, or somehow wrong. It is clear that there is an appropriate place for every kind of relationship. However here I focus on those relationships where no transactions of goods and services occur.
So what happens when we deem someone a "disservice" to us, or they come into some hardship, or perceive that someone has done some "irreparable wrong" to us? We typically react in one of two ways.
The first way is passive aggressive wherein we cower away from said person. We seem to develop an irrational fear which over the long haul prevents us from ever really having closure, or even seeking out opportunities to really reconcile or repair the break in the relationship. We choose to dehumanize that person and see them as a potential enemy, because that makes coping with the situation immediately easy. Thus we continue on our way never really attaining understanding. We just simply cut them off, because how could someone ever really be capable of good decisions when they made a less than perfect decision? In our minds we rationalize that every good decision really was not a good decision, and therefore was a lie disguised through whatever rose-colored lens we chose to see them in.
The second way is much more vicious. We attack them. We deliberately make them feel as though they are not capable of being good. We kick them when they are down. We say things that while to our perception seems good are actually negative things that bring the person down. We trap the person in a box with a label be it liar, thief, cheater, stupid, worthless... it's all negative. When that other person moves on with their life and in our eyes attempts to get out of the box we are quick to shove them back in. We make demands and bargains for the person to obey that are so ridiculous and impossible for the person that we give them no choice but to stay in the box. Because that is what we want. We want revenge! We want blood! And we want it two weeks ago!
While it feels good at the moment, because we get to be the one to make a stand, dispense discipline and punishment, be the one who wins, we miss out on an opportunity to really make peace and reach a common understanding. Because a juicy, vivid lie is much better than the dry, seemingly uninteresting truth.
If I may propose an alternative. What if we stopped crucifying every person who crosses us in some way? What if we stopped scapegoating someone just because we don't like them or don't like what they have to say. The next time someone crosses us, let us aim to understand. Come to understand what is going on in the person's life. Yeah, it's the hard way. Yeah, it doesn't make us feel good. But let's take a moment and realize that it's not about us or even the other person. It's about the dignity of the human person. It's about the fact that whether we like it or not that person is going to exist and keep existing on the same planet as us, and we might as well actually put in the effort to actually reach the peace we so often claim we desire - without seeking blood or revenge.
However, this is difficult. It requires we have to put aside how we feel about the person or situation and actually take the time to extend the olive branch and bury the hatchet. And for many, many people this seems like such an impossible task. Who knows, maybe the other person is offering the olive branch and you have your head jammed so far up your own butt that right now you can't see that.
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