I've Created A Monster

So, I'd say I've created a monster.  Let me start with a history lesson, of sorts, to aid in our understanding.

My dear wife, Jessica was merrily putting our daughter down for a nap when the tablet she was holding (containing a game she enjoyed playing) slipped from her grasp, descended through the atmosphere, and crashed on the tray of Isabelle's high chair.  The screen now hilariously dysfunctional and gone to meet it's eternal reward, left my wife with nothing else to do with her free time.  She had become exhausted of the parade of Netflix personalities and wanted a new hobby.

I come home from work and she asks me to help her create a blog.  Of course I'm always happy to help my family and friends with their web presence, so I didn't realize what I was doing.  I created a monster.

To place humor and superfluous parlance aside, it is a good blog.  My wonderful wife really knows how to write and weave a tapestry of words.

You can find her blog at Crafty Adventures in Motherhood.

Leaps, Bounds, Milestones, and Other Thoughts, Oh My!

So, I've just realized that I haven't posted an update on my daughter in a long time, not since she began crawling.  Visiting relatives over Christmas, a crazy work life balance, and a hundred other distractions have gotten in the way.  Looking at the photos on my phone I realized just how much my daughter has grown in the last couple of months.

For starters Isabelle had her first taste of a snow storm on January 12th when we received 15.5 inches (39.37 cm) of snow accumulation over the course of 36 hours.  My little daughter thought the snow was just absolutely the BEST thing ever, like a new toy, but cold, and magical as it turns to water in your hand.  As I began the couple hour long process of moving the snow off of the cars and drive way my wife Jessica brought our daughter outside to see the snow.

On Thursday of this past week Jessica and I looked up and found Isabelle grabbing the table with one hand and standing more steady than she has.  Her legs are getting stronger and I'm sure at this rate she'll be walking very soon!  So far it would seem that at only 9 months she's a little ahead of the game on milestones.

Some days it seems like I can't quite keep up with how fast she's growing and developing.  Sometimes, I'm sure, people might think I'm crazy and wonder how I plan to give time to my family and to my hobbies.  Sometimes, I think I am crazy taking on a lot.  However, I would not trade it for anything else in the world.  I do miss my "old life" as it had a lot of great memories and I still keep in contact with my friends, but I've learned that this life is exciting too, and I know I have the support of my old life.  But I really don't consider it my old life.

In retrospect I consider the adventure of getting married and starting a family as just another chapter in the book of my life.  It's something that I've noticed some people think is an "end of your life" moment, however I think that assertion is very short sighted.  I still have just as active and fulfilling of a life now as when I was in college or even when I spent a short time as a Catholic seminarian.  As I look to the year ahead, I'm excited to see how my family will grow and develop, and to see what friends I can run into.

Work-Life Balance Not Exactly Ideal

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So the balancing act between my work and life probably could not be any worse.  At the moment my goal of waking up early just isn't going to happen because my biorhythm is not well supported by my work schedule.  Due to short staffing and payroll cut backs I can't be full time.  Being part time has immense drawbacks since I get left with all the hours that no one else wants.  Essentially I work afternoon and evenings half the week followed immediately by morning and daytime shifts.  This pretty much leaves me exhausted and unable to function day to day by the end of the week.  Every precious minute I get to sleep, is welcomed with no protest!

From another point of view I wonder what the chaotic schedule is doing to the relationship I have with my wife and daughter.  I'm away from home at odd times and there's no consistency.  At times I'm unable to remember the last time I had a chance to actually have a good conversation with my wife that didn't revolve around finances, benefits, or how much my next pay check is going to be.  At the same time my work schedule and every day agenda at work is also partially dictated by whatever mood my boss happens to be in.  Such inconsistency causes great mental stress and anxiety about even going into work.

To summarize: I need a new job.

I have been out on the job market actually since March of last year, and so far with no success.  My wonderful wife has helped my compile a list of applications when I've been at work and I've received tips of who's looking to hire.  (As an added bonus: jobs that would give me the work/life balance I desperately need!)  Unfortunately, the story is the same after every interview.  I've got potential, but this other person has more experience.  Sure I make it into the final batch of qualified candidates, however, this does not help my need to provide, support, and be there for my family.

To say it's been rough would be a great understatement!

But this has got me thinking about where I want to go in life and what I need.  I don't need another job.  And even a retail job that's full time won't cut it.  I need a job that I can retire from in 30 years.  A job that utilizes my natural talents, nourishes and expands my potential, and develops my existing skill set.  Such a job - I realize - would likely be related to computer science or IT.  It's almost ecstasy to think that I could find a job where my day to day forced interaction with the general public would be drastically reduced or very limited.  I think that's what I really want though.  I'm just done with only retailers willing to hire me, and then force me into a position where I can't grow in my job.